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All About Steve and Extract

All About Steve


Oh, Sandra Bullock. I would love to hang out in Austin with her sometime and have a beer or two. And I have enjoyed some her films before (Miss Congeniality is not a quality film, but it is entertaining!), I think she is a pretty good comedic actress, and I admire that she produces her own works. But let's be honest. The majority of her work is silly and lacking in depth. All About Steve looks to be that kind of film. I doubt it will be terribly funny. I suspect instead it will be terribly uncomfortable to watch.


What is supposed to be appealing about this premise? Bullock plays a socially awkward woman with bad hair who becomes obsessed with a man who is not interested in her and proceeds to stalk him. Wow, that sounds like a fun 90 minutes. No thanks.


Quality: * *
Entertainment: * * *






Extract


I'm a fan of Jason Bateman and Mike Judge. I like a lot of their other films, so I may go see this one. It will be pretty fun and probably worth my time, but overall nothing special. It won't be another Office Space, for example. I expect good performances from Bateman and probably even from Mila Kunis (What an awesome career she is building!), but I also expect to leave the theatre and forget that I ever saw the film once it's over.


So if you need something to do this weekend, sure, go see it. But I doubt you'll want to buy the DVD.


Quality: * * *
Entertainment: * * *

Halloween II and Final Destination 3D

If you are a teenager who wants to watch a movie that doesn't require any thought on your part, but allows you to let out your teenage angst vicariously, enjoy these films.

For everyone else, don't bother.

There is such a thing as a good horror film, but these won't be it. They will be dumb movies with mediocre acting and scripts that make little sense.

If you must see one, choose Final Destination and enjoy watching people's body parts fly at you in 3D. At least the premise of FD is pretty original and the ways they kill people interesting.

Halloween II

Quality: *

Entertainment: * *

Final Destination 3D

Quality: * *

Entertainment: * * *

UPDATE: Julie and Julia

My predicted ratings for this film:
Quality: * * * (The third star is for Meryl's acting)
Entertainment: * * *
I Want To See It Anyway Seal of Approval

I saw this film after I saw Inglourious Basterds so of course it couldn't compare in overall quality and entertainment, but it was surprisingly good. Benny even liked it. The acting is great (as predicted) and the story is interesting. Meryl is hilarious as Julia Child. Amy Adams is depressing as Julie, but that is to be expected. The character was depressed. I really related to both characters, so I cried for half the film. Turns out it was a tissue film!

This is a film you can see on a date instead of The Time Traveler's Wife. It is far more likely that you will both enjoy this film then it is that you will like that one. Every guy I know who has seen Julie and Julia didn't hate it. That's a good thing for a chick flick.

For a rating, it's some where in-between a 3 and 4 star movie. I'll go ahead and bump it up one for being funny and accessible to both men and women. Meryl could get her next Oscar nom for this one, ya'll.

Quality: * * * *
Entertainment: * * * *
Tissues: * *
Even Guys Will Like It Seal of Approval

UPDATE: Inglourious Basterds

My predicted ratings for this film:

Quality: * * *
Entertainment: * * * *

Masturbation Seal of Approval

I just had the pleasure of actually seeing this film and I must say it is fantastic. It's truly a return to the quality filmmaking that I expect from Tarantino. The opening sequence alone is enough to make this film an instant classic. It demonstrates every aspect of quality filmmaking in fifteen minutes. Brilliant. I am so glad that all of my worries were unfounded and Tarantino is back on track after the disaster that was Death Proof. Also, all of the acting was superb. Christoph Waltz could be up for an Oscar nomination, if the Academy takes this film as seriously as they should.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I will be changing my ratings for Inglourious Basterds. And I'm happy to do so.

Quality: * * * * *
Entertainment: * * * * *
Masturbation Seal of Approval
(He keeps the Masturbation Seal for purposely misspelling the title of the film and siting "artistic" reasons. Really that's just douchey.)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Crappy Films Based on Cool Cartoons From My Youth

If you are like me and grew up watching the original Transformers, He-man, and G.I. Joe cartoons as a kid and you paid money to see this film and enjoyed it, you should be ashamed of yourself. Deeply, deeply ashamed.

Hollywood has decided to take beloved cartoons from my generation's childhood and make them into loud, special effects laden, live-action movies because, since they have a built in audience of 20 and 30 somethings, they figure they can easily make a few 100 mil off old ideas. And they can, apparently. To my distress.

Let me be clear. I would love for Hollywood to make a really cool G.I. Joe live action movie. I would love to see those awesome, creative, colorful characters brought to life and go kick butt. But no. Hollywood couldn't make a movie that was true to the coolness of the original. They have to remove all originality from it in order to make it appeal to a broader audience, which means it will appeal to no one in particular.

For example: Take a look at the movie poster for the new film and the photo below of the cartoon cast. Do you notice how in the movie all the characters seem alike and have no real individuality or character of their own? Now take a look at the characters below. Notice the sailor? The diver? The ninja? Look how cool these guys look. Each one has a personality of his or her own that makes them interesting. The new film lacks that variety that made the show interesting.

I guarantee you this movie is awful. I guarantee you the characters have no real personality at all. I guarantee you the plot will barely make sense. I guarantee you big explosions and some fighting, but not good explosions or fighting. This movie will be a waste of your time and is a waste of a cool idea.

To be fair, I should mention that Benny has seen this movie. (I am appropriately ashamed that he paid money to the makers of it.) He informs me that the movie is, in fact, horribly bad. Worse even then Transformers (because at least Transformers had entertainment value). I already knew this before he told me, so it doesn't taint my review, but I thought you should know he agreed with me.

Quality: (No stars.)
Entertainment: * (For the explosions.)
Michael Bay Seal of Approval


*By the way, they are making a live action He-man movie again, I hear. I die a little inside.

The Time Traveler's Wife, Julie & Julia

The Time Traveler's Wife

If you are a girl who likes films that don't require much thought but have some cute guy in love with some non-threatening girl, then this may be a film for you. I'm pretty sure the plot won't make much sense, and it will be sentimental verging on sappy but without any real heart. Just go read the book. Or rent The Notebook. I hear that's a crier that doesn't suck.

Quality: * *
Entertainment: * * *
Tissues: * * *



Julie & Julia

I want to see this film. I've been reading Julia Child's memoir of her time in France when she discovered her passion for cooking and it's delightful. Also, as everyone knows, Meryl Streep is a magnificent actress and I'm sure she portrays Julia Child magically. I am also an Amy Adams fan. I think she is a talented young woman as well and a pretty red-head. I'm not certain, however, that this film will be that great overall. It's going to be fun for a certain audience, but husbands and boyfriends won't care for it much, and I'm pretty sure Amy Adams' role in it will not be nearly as entertaining and fun as Meryl's, at no fault of her own. The character just sounds whiny.

Quality: * * * (The third star is for Meryl's acting)
Entertainment: * * *
I Want To See It Anyway Seal of Approval